Friday, June 20, 2008

Alas, that these final days should be mine.

First, let me make a revision on the previous post. CAP has removed the Perfect Storm video from the website. Don't ask me why... maybe it was my reference to us as a "poverty eliminating machine." Who can say. As official PR person for the Perfect Storm, let it be known that we do not mind it's removal. For the perfect storm is so perfect that its essence cannot be captured by any conventional recording device nor can it be captured by the man who seeks to exploit its limitless successes. That being said, on to more important business.

The beaver remains at large and has not been seen since it got caught in the snare. It is now caught, escaped, at large, expected dead, probably armed and still dangerous.

Now, dear reader, let me take you back to the cold month of January. Due to the icy winter and the very curvy roads here in eastern Kentucky, we had several "snow days" this past winter where we could not go to work or drive cars. We were locked in these quiet, snowy hollers with only our imagination to keep us busy. These days would often end with Jesse and I having sore arses after sledding on lasagna pans down the bumpy hills. Needless to say, we were bored out of our minds. As a result, Ross, Jesse and I started to build a raft. A home made raft made of fallen timbers and twine. Initially, we were planning on having a CAP formal dance in February. Ross, Jesse and I were going to traverse the lake at camp and meet our dates on the opposite shore. We were going to use our house flag as a mast and blast "The Final Countdown" on loudspeakers as we made our voyage. The attire would be blue speedos and we would break a bottle of PBR on our mighty vessel's bow before we embarked. But, then we were all called to Tennessee on disaster relief (where I met the Mennonites) and we forgot about the raft. As winter thawed and we could take up other pursuits, the raft fell into memory.

Until now. Jesse, Joe (a short term volunteer from Tennessee) and I have resurrected this forgotten project and now intend to embark on our final mission. We will attempt to conquer the Cumberland River on our mighty vessel. We will have 7 passengers on our tiny craft: me, Don, UBS man, Joe, Ryan, Jesse, and David Frank. The journey will be epic, the water cold, and the result unknown. I should mention that the Cumberland Falls are on the Cumberland river. Hopefully we can strategically avoid the falls (no pun intended).

Cheers for now.

By the way, Sox/Cubs this weekend. Good GuysWear Black. Holler at you boys.

(AP Photo/Jerry Lai) - Jim

(AP Photo/Brian Kersey) - Ozzie


Anonymous said...

More than we needed to know. Now we really need to worry!

Picturing that crew rafting on the Cumberland would scare anyone.

Watch out for beavers.

Let us know when once again you are all safe.

a.e. nee said...

handy we must hear how the rafting adventure went! please update soon...

John said...

I fear your death. It's been too long, and we haven't heard from you. Plus you went out on a homemade raft into beaver-infested waters. I'll avenge your death until mine.